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In The Midnight Lands

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42. It was too large.

Izzy_Indigo

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LATE IN the last hour of the final day, a flurry of panic and movement and broken voices.

34627303391_82b32445e9_b.jpg

She’s getting agitated!

Should we administer the drugs?

NO-O! Don’t do it! CALL the Hospice!

We love you Ginny.

GIVE HER the drugs!

We love you - 

(no)

We love you - 

She’s calming down -

We love you. We love you.

We love you . . .

We crowded around her. Other than Dad who was in the corner of the room looking as if some deep foundation within was breaking. I grabbed the footstool and sat in front, I was overcome, undone. For the first time in a day Ginny’s eyes were open.

One shuddering, ending breath.

I was staring into her eyes, letting her see me as she faced the edge of all things. Long pause, no breath. Still the words - we love you - flowing - we love you - surrounding - we love you - loving her.

Another.

Gasping.

Final.

Her eyes on me, and I felt anesthetised, like I had awoken on an operating table eviscerated and unable to feel it. There was a flare in Ginny's pupils, a flow, and she was looking through me, beyond me, now.

Eyes fading.

Dying.

Dull.

She was receding, leaving, and I wanted to scream. I got up and took my father's hand, led him to where I’d sat. She needs to see you before she goes. But it was too late. There was no more breath. Only a keening wail that begins, as my sisters, my mother, who'd been so brave, so strong, finally let go. It filled the room like water. Water. Water. We were all under water.

Is she gone?

Amber checked the pulse and nodded; tears streamed down her face. The keening grew loud, large, too large for the room. The emotion was too large for the room, too large for me and I had to leave, to leave, to rush outside and collapse on the deck. It was too large.

Great wracking sobs welled from somewhere deep inside. Deep, deep inside. They rattled me as they rose. They threatened to shake me apart. I could not keep them in - it was too large - I sobbed into the night. I had not cried for years, but something was broken.

I was broken.

I sobbed into the night.

Hannah came. I didn't hear her footsteps, but her arms were around me. She who was mostly reserved but was bawling now and telling me we had to do better, be kinder, keep the family traditions. And her arms were strange. And I knew but could not tell her. The traditions were gone.

* * * *

This blog is a story. Each post picks up from the last.
 
If you are new, start at the bottom with post 1 and then work your way up. 

:)

* * * *

Enjoying what you're reading? Please take the time to follow the blog, like and comment.

Your support means a lot.

Also, sharing is caring. 

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